Silent Night
by chizora
Summary: All is calm, all is bright.


GoGo bites her tongue and glares at Honey Lemon. It would be so, so satisfying to elbow the tall girl beside her, but she doesn't want to be too obvious, which is clearly a problem Honey doesn't have.

" _Would you stop that?"_ She hisses, choosing instead to step on her foot. Honey skilfully avoids it and grabs a plate from the table, smiling mischievously as she begins to pile it high with desserts.

"Oh come on, I _know_ you want to." She winks at GoGo. "Besides, it's Christmastime! 'Tis the season and all that." GoGo scoffs and swipes a cupcake from Honey's plate.

"Don't give me that bullshit; I don't see you trying to push me under the mistletoe with Wasabi or Fred." She lowers her voice, trying to make sure a certain someone hadn't heard them just then. Luckily, the person in question has just left to rescue an animatronic reindeer from becoming his little brother's latest experiment.

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Honey bats her eyelashes innocently. "I just wanted to get some dessert with you, and he was already over by the plates so isn't it normal that you'd stand right there?" GoGo looks up at the plant hanging from the rafter above them, unimpressed.

"Sure, I'll buy that." She picks up a cube of cheesecake. "As soon as I buy that you _also_ wanted me to go admire the tree in that _one_ particular spot, or that you wanted me to take a picture but only in front of that particular window. Oh, and these places just _coincidentally_ had Tadashi and mistletoe nearby." She doesn't have her gum, so she settles on voraciously biting into a cookie. "Besides, _we're_ underneath one right now and look, we're not making out."

Honey wiggles her eyebrows so comically that GoGo forgives her a little, then outright laughs when she swoops down and plants a loud, wet kiss on her cheek.

" _There."_ She says affectionately, sticking out her tongue, and then her face softens. "But really, GoGo, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, alright? It's just, I want you to be happy and not regret anything and if it doesn't work then at least you tried-"

"I know." GoGo cuts in. "It's just…I don't think I can take it if it doesn't work. I don't want to risk anything." She tries to shrug nonchalantly and looks away. "I've done the whole 'date your friend' thing, and we've never _stayed_ friends after it all went to shit. If that happened to Tadashi and me…I don't know if it would be worth it." She bites her lip. "Besides, it's just a dumb little crush. I'm not invested or anything."

But she knows that's a lie. It may have been that way at the start, because a bit of attraction doesn't have to mean anything, really. Tadashi is good-looking; so what? It was an objective observation. It had gotten less and less objective, though, when he'd turned out to also be thoughtful and sweet and loyal and funny and before she knew it GoGo's own damn heart made her a liar.

It had also made her something she'd never been before: a coward. She wasn't just afraid of ruining their friendship; she was afraid of being rejected in the first place, and GoGo wasn't afraid of anything. If this was how it was just liking him, what would it be like if they were actually dating?

GoGo takes a long pull of her drink before glancing around The Lucky Cat Café, where the Hamada's Christmas part is in full swing. Cass has outdone herself, with lavish decorations, a full spread of food, and just enough entertainment to keep big groups of people occupied. Presents for the gift exchange sit under a huge tree, lights twinkle from the windows, and the aforementioned mistletoe mocks GoGo from the ceiling. She can see Tadashi from the corner of her eye, stuffing the reindeer into a closet.

"Alright." Honey's voice snaps GoGo out of her trance. "We won't talk about this anymore. I won't do anything, but please do think about it, seriously. Think about what would make you happy, okay?" And she gives GoGo that pleading look that is just pure love and caring and _Honey_ that GoGo can't refuse, just nods.

"For the record though" Honey says quietly. "I really think there's a strong chance you guys would work out. I'm not saying this stuff with no basis." GoGo doesn't reply, just glances out the window where it's snowing lightly.

She's scared that Honey is wrong. But she's also scared that she could be right.

* * *

It's hours later and the party is winding down. The gang stays behind to help clean up and soon the place is back to its spotless state. Cass gratefully gets them some hot drinks and takes off to bed, exhausted. Hiro also retires to his bedroom to tinker with some new idea (the reindeer is suspiciously missing). The rest sit in a circle on the sofa, talking casually.

"Your aunt throws the best parties, Tadashi!" Honey beams at him. "That was so fun!"

"And the food!" Fred cheers. "Spectacular spread. I am so _full._ " He takes an enormous bite of leftover shepherd's pie.

"Gift exchange was…something else." Wasabi examines the gift he had gotten. "I've never done a white elephant before." He's holding a giant bar of peppermint-scented soap shaped like Santa Claus _._

They chatter about the best parts of the night and swap stories and photos, until GoGo excuses herself to step outside. GoGo loves her friends, fiercely and quietly, but sometimes she needs to be alone for a while and reabsorb herself, to get back into her own headspace.

Once outside, she stares up into the inky sky dotted with tiny pinpricks of stars and lets her mind go blank. The snow settles gently on her shoulders and hair, and the air is so still and moon so bright her eyes hurt. She feels calmer already, her body relaxing against the café's wall.

When the door beside her suddenly opens, she's startled enough that she slips as she turns and Tadashi reflexively catches her upper arm to steady her. She immediately straightens and is grateful her cheeks are already pink from the cold. Her arm is burning where his hand touched her even through the layers of her jacket.

"Tadashi. Hey. Thanks." She is struggling to sound casual, she knows, but surprise has thrown her façade off kilter. "What are you doing out here?" He shrugs, smiling.

"Thought I'd check on you. I know you want to be alone, but it's been twenty minutes and I was afraid you'd be frozen by now. We all were." His smile is so friendly, so genuine, GoGo aches a bit. It is so platonic, the things he says, and every time she thinks he might be feeling something more reality always comes back to her.

"Thanks." She looks somewhere at his shoulder. She hasn't been able to look directly in his eyes for a long time now. "I'm fine. Tell them I'll be up in five minutes." He looks at her oddly, like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. Finally he takes out his phone, taps something on the glowing screen, and then pockets it again to lean on the wall beside her. GoGo stares.

"I see why you like doing this." He casually exhales a cloud of white air. "Really calming, isn't it?"

It's late and she's tired and a little cold and she's too confused by her feelings and him all at once, so all she can do is go "Mm."

"The moon looks amazing tonight." He comments idly, and GoGo thinks maybe the cold has killed some of his brain cells. That or too much red wine.

"I texted them, don't worry." He notices her expression. "I just wanted to hang out with you. Seems like we don't really do that anymore." Tadashi's voice is softer now, and she has to strain to hear him. He seems to notice and sidles closer to her.

"We see each other at school every day." She answers, feeling guilty. She'd been avoiding hanging out with him one-on-one, and thought he hadn't noticed.

"It's not really the same, though." He runs a hand through his hair, dishevelling a few strands and GoGo checks the desire to fix it.

"We're here now, aren't we? And we'll see everyone a lot more over the break." She returns to looking at the scenery. "We have a lot of stuff planned. I think Honey went a little insane, actually. Power went to her head." GoGo pulls a face and Tadashi laughs.

"I don't think Aunt Cass realized what it would mean when Honey volunteered to help set up the party. I swear she made us do everything and then did it herself all over again!" This time GoGo laughs with him; no wonder there was so much damn mistletoe everywhere. Honey was nothing if not thorough.

"Hey." Tadashi breaks in after a silence. "Didn't we make plans a long time ago to see that movie? The cheesy one with the robots fighting magical aliens. We should go; it came out like two weeks ago."

GoGo bites her lip. This doesn't sound good for her. "Yeah, let's see when everyone else is free."

"I think Fred and Wasabi went to see it already." He scratches his nose. "Not really Honey's thing either." He pauses before hesitantly adding "We can just go ourselves."

GoGo shrugs and it falls silent again between them, but there's a loud thrumming in her chest and she's afraid Tadashi can hear it. She's afraid of a lot, when it comes to him.

"It's been five minutes." She nervously pushes off the wall. "I could use some more coffee." Tadashi frowns, following on her heels. As the door jingles open, though, he notices something and pauses. "Oh."

She turns around, still holding the door open, to catch his line of sight and she sees the mistletoe, hanging wickedly from the doorframe.

"Honey strikes again." She smiles weakly, looking up at him. That's her mistake.

He's looking down at her, shadowed by the backlight of the moon. There's only a hand's breadth between them, and something about the air turns heavy. "Yeah." He murmurs, and shifts imperceptibly closer to her.

She can't breathe. She doesn't know if what she thinks is happening is actually happening, and if she wants it to. If this is just a misunderstanding, or worse, if it's not. Everything will change, but it doesn't have to. All she has to do is step out of the doorway. One more step, back into the warm cafe; move away and break the bubble they're in and she can laugh it off, pretend like it never happened.

There's so much that could go wrong. They could be completely incompatible together. They might throw off the group dynamic. They could be fine for the short term but have the whole thing crash and burn spectacularly. Maybe he has a disgusting habit she doesn't know about.

But then again, maybe it won't go wrong, after all. Maybe they'll be great together, and maybe Honey's right and she would be happy. Maybe –

She stays still.

"GoGo." He whispers, still leaning over her, and GoGo can hear her heart pounding in her ears.

"Tadashi." She asks quietly, vulnerably. "Are you going to kiss me right now?"

Her voice gives him pause. He takes in her face, her posture, and then glances back up.

"No." He says, straightening up. GoGo feels like an axe has been taken to her chest; she's suddenly and acutely aware of what she's really wanted all this time, when she can't have it.

"Alright." She looks down, trying to keep the waver out of her voice. There's a tight, curious sensation squeezing her chest. "Okay, yeah. I get it, that's–"

Her words are cut short as Tadashi's hand encircles her wrist and tugs her forward.

Now they're both back outside, the door firmly shutting behind them. It's nothing but the biting winter air and the shining moon and their silent breaths rising upwards. Tadashi's hand remains around GoGo's wrist, his fingertips pressing against her fluttering pulse and she hopes he can't feel it.

"GoGo." He starts. "I don't want you to think I'm doing this because of the mistletoe. I've...I've wanted to do this for a long time, now."

It's not what she expects.

She snaps her eyes to his and there's warmth and affection and softness, but most of all there's that same vulnerability and _want_ that she recognizes in herself. She wonders how long he's been looking at her like this, if it was around the same time she stopped looking at him for the same reason.

His hand around GoGo's wrist gently starts to trace up her arm to cup the side of her face. It's shaking slightly, she realizes, which sends a thrill through her spine. Now that she can see him clearly, she can see a tinge of nervousness at her reaction, his endearingly shy expression, and she knows that she hasn't been alone in this feeling, all this time.

GoGo can't stop the smile breaking out on her face, but she doesn't care. She's going to make him take her out to see a cheesy action film after this. Tadashi smiles back at her, curving over her again as he had in the doorway.

"GoGo." He says quietly, vulnerably. "I'm going to kiss you right now."

And she lets him.

* * *

Merry Christmas I found this in my computer


End file.
